Chapter 1 #

¹ Since I have already discussed the honor of virgins in three books, it is now appropriate, my brothers, to address the topic of widows. I should not leave them without recognition or separate them from the praise given to virgins, especially since the Apostle’s words connect them with virgins, as it is written: “The unmarried woman and the virgin are concerned with the things of the Lord, that they may be holy in both body and spirit.” In a way, the teaching of virginity is reinforced by the example of widows. Those who have kept their marriage bed pure offer an example to virgins that chastity should be maintained for God. It is a virtue of nearly equal strength to abstain from remarriage—something that was once a source of joy—just as it is to remain ignorant of the pleasures of marriage. Widows show their strength by not desiring marriage again, faithfully upholding the vows they made, and avoiding the pleasures of marriage, so they are not seen as weak or unable to govern themselves.

² But within this particular virtue, there is also the reward of freedom. For: “The wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she chooses, only in the Lord. However, she will be happier if she remains unmarried, according to my opinion, for I believe I also have the Spirit of God”. Clearly, the Apostle makes a distinction, stating that one is bound, while the other is happier. And he presents this not merely as his personal opinion but as the result of the Spirit of God’s guidance, so that the decision is seen as divine, not human.

³ What does it mean that, during a time when the entire human race was suffering from famine, Elias was sent to a widow? Notice how each person receives their own unique grace: an angel is sent to the Virgin, while a prophet goes to the widow. It’s important to observe that in one case, it’s Gabriel, and in the other, it’s Elisha. The most distinguished leaders among angels and prophets are chosen. However, being a widow alone is not praiseworthy unless it comes with the virtues of widowhood. Indeed, there were many widows, but one was favored above all. This shows that it’s not just about others being drawn away from their pursuits; it’s about being inspired by the example of virtue.

⁴ What is said at first captures the listener’s attention, and even the simplicity of understanding has the power to draw widows toward a virtuous example. This is because each widow seems to excel not based on her outward status but on her inner worth. God does not overlook the grace of hospitality, as He Himself mentioned in the Gospel, where He promises eternal reward even for something as small as offering a cup of cold water. He also multiplies a small amount of meal and oil into an unending supply. If a pagan philosopher once said that all possessions between friends should be shared, how much more should this apply to relatives? After all, we are relatives, united into one body.

⁵ But we are not bound by any strict limit when it comes to hospitality. Why do you think that what belongs to this world is private property, when the world itself is shared by all? Or why do you believe that the fruits of the earth are private, when the earth itself is common property? “Look,” He said, “at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap.” For those who hold nothing as private property lack nothing, and God, who is faithful to His word, knows how to fulfill His promise. The birds do not gather or store up, yet they are fed, for our heavenly Father provides for them. But we, disregarding the general command for our own personal benefit, are reminded by God: “Every tree that bears seed-bearing fruit shall be food for you, and for every beast, every bird, and every creature that moves on the earth.” By hoarding, we find ourselves in want, and by gathering, we become empty. We cannot expect to receive the promise if we do not follow the command. It is also wise for us to observe the practice of hospitality and to be ready to give to strangers, for we too are strangers in this world.

⁶ How holy was that widow, who, even when suffering from severe hunger, still showed reverence to God. She did not keep the food solely for herself but shared it with her son, so that she would not outlive her beloved child. The duty of love for her son was great, but the duty of devotion to God brought an even greater reward. Just as no one should be placed above her own child, the prophet of God should be placed above both her child and her own survival. We must believe that she gave him not just a small portion of food but the very sustenance of her life, as she kept nothing for herself. Her hospitality was so complete that she gave all she had, and her faith was so strong that she believed immediately.

Chapter 2 #

¹ So, a widow is not only recognized by her bodily abstinence but is distinguished by her virtue. I do not give her commandments; rather, the Apostle does. I am not the only one to honor widows—the Apostle to the Gentiles did so first when he said, “Honor widows who are truly widows.” But if a widow has children or grandchildren, she should first learn to manage her own household and repay her parents. From this, we see that a widow should have both a loving affection for her children and a sense of duty to her parents. By fulfilling her duty to her parents, she teaches her children and, in doing so, is rewarded herself, for what she does for others benefits her as well.

² “For this,” he says, “is acceptable with God.” So, if you, O widow, care about the things of God, you should pursue what you have learned to be pleasing to Him. Indeed, the Apostle, earlier in his exhortation to widows to pursue continence, said that they should focus on the things of the Lord. But elsewhere, when selecting a widow who is truly approved, she is instructed not only to remember the Lord but also to place her hope in Him. “For she that is truly a widow, and left all alone, must hope in God and continue in supplications and prayers night and day.” It is no wonder that the Apostle emphasizes that such widows should be blameless, for as they are called to virtuous deeds, they are also accorded great respect—even being honored by bishops.

³ The teacher himself provides a description of the kind of woman who should be chosen: She must be at least sixty years old and have been the wife of one man. It is not simply old age that defines the widow, but the virtues that come with that stage of life. For it is more honorable for a woman to have restrained the passions of youth and the intense desires that come with being young, not seeking the affection of a husband or the joys of children, than for one who, now physically worn out, cooled by age, and in her later years, can no longer be stirred by pleasure or expect to have children.

⁴ No one is truly excluded from the devotion of widowhood if they enter into a second marriage, which the Apostle’s teachings do not condemn, as if chastity were entirely lost. If she again loses her husband, she will still have the merit of chastity, even if it comes later in life. However, greater approval is given to the woman who has experienced a second marriage because her desire for chastity is evident. In contrast, for others, it seems that either old age or shame has simply ended their interest in marrying again.

⁵ The widow’s commitment is not solely to bodily chastity, but also to a broad and abundant practice of virtue. She should have a good reputation for her good deeds, such as raising children, welcoming strangers, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in distress, and, finally, pursuing every good work. You can see how many virtues are included here. First, he calls for the duty of piety; second, the practice of hospitality and humble service; third, the ministry of mercy and generosity in helping others; and, lastly, the performance of every good work.

⁶ Therefore, younger women should be avoided for this role because they are not capable of fulfilling the requirements of such a high level of virtue. Youth is prone to stumble, as the heat of various desires is ignited by the intensity of youthful passion. A good doctor knows to remove the sources of sin. The first step in training the soul is to turn away from sin, and the second is to cultivate virtue. However, since the Apostle was aware that Anna, an eighty-year-old widow, had proclaimed the works of the Lord since her youth, I do not believe he intended to exclude younger women from the devotion of widowhood—especially since he said, “It is better to marry than to burn.” Marriage was certainly recommended as a remedy so that one who might otherwise fall could be saved. But this does not mean that he discouraged those capable of self-control from pursuing chastity, as there is a difference between helping someone who is struggling and encouraging someone toward virtue.

⁷ What can I say about human judgments, when even in the judgments of God, the Jews were seen as having offended the Lord most by violating the rights of widows and minors? The prophets declare this as the reason for the punishment of rejection that fell upon the Jews. It is also mentioned as the only way to lessen God’s wrath against their sins—by honoring the widow and executing true justice for minors. For we read: “Judge the fatherless, deal justly with the widow, and come let us reason together,” says the Lord. Elsewhere it is written: “The Lord shall maintain the orphan and the widow,” and again: “I will abundantly bless her widow.” This also foreshadows the Church. So, holy widows, you can see that the role which is honored by divine grace must not be degraded by impure desire.

Chapter 3 #

¹ To return to what was discussed earlier, what does it mean that during a great famine across all the land, God’s care was still present for the widow, and the prophet was sent to provide for her? When the Lord, in this story, gives a warning that He is about to speak truth, it seems He is calling me to listen carefully to a deeper meaning. For what could be truer than the mystery of Christ and the Church? It is not without reason that one widow is chosen among many. Who is this widow, that such a great prophet, who was taken up into heaven, should be sent to her, especially during a time when the heavens were closed for three years and six months, and there was a severe famine throughout the land? Though the famine was widespread, this widow still had her needs met. What do these three years represent? Could they be the same three years in which the Lord came to the earth and found no fruit on the fig tree, as it is written: “Behold, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and found none”?

² This is certainly the widow of whom it was said: “Rejoice, you barren woman who bears no children; break forth and cry out, you who have not gone through the pains of childbirth; for the children of the desolate are more numerous than those of the woman with a husband.” And rightly, she is called a widow, of whom it is also said: “You will forget the shame of your youth and the reproach of your widowhood, for I am the Lord who makes you.” Perhaps she is called a widow because she lost her Husband through the suffering of His body, but in the day of judgment, she will receive back the Son of Man, whom she seemed to have lost. As He says: “For a short time, I have forsaken you,” so that, in being forsaken, she may more gloriously preserve her faith.

³ Thus, all—virgins, married women, and widows—have an example to follow. Perhaps the Church is called a virgin, a married woman, and a widow because they all form one body in Christ. The Church is that widow for whose sake, when there was a scarcity of the heavenly Word on earth, the prophets were sent. For there was a widow who was barren, yet she saved her time of bringing forth for the appointed moment.

⁴ So that we do not think lightly of him who, by his word, refreshed the dry earth with the dew of heaven and opened the closed heavens—not by human power. For who but Christ can open the heavens, from whom, daily, the Church gathers an increase from the sustenance of sinners? It is not within human ability to say, “The barrel of meal will not run out, and the jar of oil will not be empty, until the day the Lord sends rain upon the earth.” While it is the role of prophets to speak in this way, the voice is truly that of the Lord. Thus, it is first stated: “For thus says the Lord.” It is the Lord who guarantees the continual supply of heavenly sacraments and promises that the grace of spiritual joy will not fail, who grants the protection of life, the seals of faith, and the gifts of virtues.

⁵ But what does it mean: “Until the day on which the Lord shall send rain on the earth”? It means that He, too, “will come down like rain upon a fleece, like drops that water the earth”. This reveals the mystery of an ancient story, where Gideon, the warrior in the mystical battle, was given a sign of future victory and recognized the spiritual sacrament in his vision. The rain symbolized the dew of the Divine Word, which first came down on the fleece while the rest of the earth remained dry from a long drought. Then, in a second true sign, the rain soaked the entire earth while the fleece remained dry.

⁶ The insightful man foresaw the future growth of the Church. At first, in Judea, the divine message began to bring life (for God is known in Judah), while the rest of the world remained without the dew of faith. But when Joseph’s people began to turn away from God and committed various serious sins, they brought guilt upon themselves. At that point, when the heavenly rain of faith was poured out over the whole earth, the Jewish people became dry and withered in their unbelief, while the clouds of prophecy and the life-giving teachings of the Apostles refreshed the holy Church, gathered from all corners of the world. This is the rain, sometimes condensed from earthly sources, sometimes from mountain mists, but spread throughout the world in the saving shower of the heavenly Scriptures.

⁷ This example shows that not everyone is worthy of experiencing the miracles of divine power—only those who are supported by a life of religious devotion. Those who lack reverence for heaven lose the blessings of God’s work. It also reveals a deeper truth: the Son of God, in order to restore the Church, took on the mystery of a human body, setting aside the Jewish people. From them, the counselor, the prophet, and the miracles of divine blessings were taken away, because, due to a kind of national fault, they were unwilling to believe in the Son of God.

Chapter 4 #

¹ Scripture teaches us how much grace unity brings and the great blessing God bestows upon widows. Since they are honored in such a way by God, we must consider the way of life that befits this honor. Anna provides the example of what widows should be. After losing her husband early in life, she still earned the highest praise, dedicating herself as much to religious duties as to the pursuit of chastity. She is described as a widow of eighty-four years, who never left the temple and served God day and night with fasting and prayer.

² You see the kind of person a widow is described to be: the wife of one man, tested by the passage of time, strong in her faith, and physically worn down. Her place of rest is the temple, her conversation is prayer, and her life is one of fasting. Day and night, through tireless devotion, even though her body shows signs of old age, her piety remains ageless. This is how a widow is trained from her youth, and this is how she is regarded in her old age, having kept her widowhood not by accident or physical weakness, but by a deep commitment to virtue. When it is said that she lived with her husband for seven years from her virginity, it shows that the foundation of her old age began with the intentions of her youth.

³ Thus, we are taught that chastity has three forms: one within marriage, another in widowhood, and a third in virginity. We do not elevate one above the others to the exclusion of the rest. Each form results in its own virtues. The Church’s guidance is rich in this, as it has examples of each to offer but rejects none—and may it never have any to reject! We speak of virginity without dismissing widowhood, and we honor widows while still respecting the sanctity of marriage. These are not merely our teachings but the teachings of divine Scripture.

⁴ Let us then remember how Mary, Anna, and Susanna are described. But since we should not only celebrate their praises but also follow their way of life, let us recall where Susanna, Anna, and Mary are found, and take note of the specific praise each receives. Susanna is mentioned as the married woman in the garden, Anna as the widow in the temple, and Mary as the virgin in her private room.

⁵ In the first instance, the fruit matures later, but in virginity, it comes earlier. Old age validates them, while virginity is the glory of youth and does not rely on the passage of years, as it is a blessing for all stages of life. It suits the early years, enhances youth, adds dignity to old age, and at every age, it bears the wisdom of righteousness, the maturity of its seriousness, and the covering of modesty, which does not hinder devotion but increases religious fervor. We see this from what follows: holy Mary went with Joseph to Jerusalem every year on the solemn day of Passover. Wherever the Virgin goes, she is accompanied by eager devotion and those who share in her chastity. The Mother of the Lord is not prideful, as if secure in her own merits. Rather, the more she understood her worth, the more faithfully she fulfilled her vows, the more abundantly she served, the more diligently she carried out her duties, and the more devoutly she fulfilled her religious obligations, completing the sacred time.

⁶ How much more, then, should you be focused on the pursuit of chastity, so that you leave no room for unfavorable opinions, as your modesty and behavior alone serve as your testimony. For a virgin, though her character is of greater importance than her body, silences slander through the integrity of her body. A widow, having lost the means of proving her virginity, is judged on her chastity not by the testimony of a midwife, but by her way of life. Scripture, therefore, has shown how attentive and devout the attitude of a widow should be.

Chapter 5 #

¹ In the same book, though in a different passage, we are also taught how fitting it is to be merciful and generous towards the poor, and that this compassion should not be hindered by our own poverty, as generosity is measured not by the size of our possessions, but by the willingness to give. For through the words of the Lord, that widow is preferred above all, of whom it was said, “This widow has cast in more than all.” In this example, the Lord teaches everyone that no one should be discouraged from giving help due to shame over their own poverty, and that the rich should not boast, thinking they give more than the poor. A small coin given from little is greater than treasures given from abundance, for it is not the amount given, but the amount left behind, that is considered. No one gives more than the one who has left nothing for herself.

² Why do you, rich woman, boast in comparison to the poor? While you are adorned with gold and drag a costly robe along the ground, you seek to be honored, believing the poor to be inferior and insignificant next to your wealth because your gifts have surpassed theirs. But rivers overflow when they are too full, and yet a drink from a small stream is more satisfying. New wine foams while fermenting, yet the farmer does not consider the excess that spills as lost. When the harvest is threshed, grains fall from the groaning floor, but even when harvests fail, the barrel of meal does not run out, and the jar of oil continues to flow. The abundance of the rich empties their casks, but the widow’s small jar of oil brought forth plenty. What matters, then, is what you give in devotion, not what you throw away in disdain. For in the end, no one gave more than the widow who fed the prophet with food meant for her children. And since no one gave more, no one had greater merit. This has a moral lesson for us all.

³ In a mystical sense, we should not overlook this woman who cast two coins into the treasury. Clearly, she was noble, as in God’s eyes she was deemed worthy to be preferred above all others. Perhaps it is she who, through her faith, has given the two Testaments for the benefit of humanity, and thus no one has done more. No one could match the value of her gift, as she combined faith with mercy. Therefore, whoever you are, if you live the life of widowhood, do not hesitate to offer your two coins, filled with faith and grace, into the treasury.

⁴ Happy is she who brings forth the perfect image of the King from her treasure. Your treasure is wisdom, chastity, and righteousness; your treasure is good understanding, just like the treasure from which the Magi, when they worshipped the Lord, offered gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They presented gold to signify the power of a king, offered frankincense to honor God, and acknowledged the resurrection of the body with myrrh. You too possess this treasure if you look within yourself, for “we have this treasure in earthen vessels.” You have gold to give, not the glittering metal, but the gold that the fire of judgment cannot consume. God does not demand expensive gifts, but rather the sweet fragrance of faith, which rises from the altars of your heart and is breathed out from a devout spirit.

⁵ From this treasure, not only are the three gifts of the Magi drawn, but also the two coins of the widow, upon which the perfect image of the heavenly King is revealed—the brightness of His glory and the image of His essence. Equally precious are the hard-earned gains of chastity, which the widow offers from her labor and daily work. Day and night, through her diligent efforts and faithful chastity, she gathers treasure, preserving the bed of her deceased husband untainted, caring for her beloved children, and aiding the poor. She is to be valued above the wealthy, for she is the one who will not fear the judgment of Christ.

⁶ Strive to match her, my daughters: “it is good to be passionately devoted to doing what is right”. Earnestly desire the best gifts. The Lord is always watching you, Jesus observes you when He goes to the treasury, and you believe that the fruits of your good works will provide help to those in need. So, what does it mean for you to give your two coins and in return receive the Lord’s Body? Do not come before the Lord your God empty-handed—empty of mercy, empty of faith, or empty of chastity—for the Lord Jesus looks upon and praises those who are rich in virtues, not those who are empty. Let the young maiden see you at work, see you serving others. This is the repayment you owe to God—that you bring others’ growth as an offering to Him. No offering is more pleasing to God than acts of piety.

Chapter 6 #

¹ Does the widow Naomi seem insignificant to you, she who sustained her widowhood by gathering the leftovers from another’s harvest, and who, despite her old age, was cared for by her daughter-in-law? It is a great blessing, both for the support and benefit of widows, that they train their daughters-in-law well, so that in their old age, they find support, as if receiving payment for their teaching and a reward for their guidance. For a woman who has taught and instructed her daughter-in-law well will never be without a Ruth—one who will choose the widowed life of her mother-in-law over her father’s house. If her husband is also dead, she will not abandon her; she will provide for her in need, comfort her in sorrow, and stay by her side even if sent away. For good instruction will never fail. So, although Naomi lost her husband and her two sons, and the fruit of her motherhood, she did not lose the reward of her pious care. She found both comfort in her grief and support in her poverty.

² So, holy women, you see how a widow, through her virtuous life, bears abundant spiritual fruit, and the rewards of her good deeds are endless. A good widow lacks nothing, and even if she is tired from old age or living in extreme poverty, she usually receives the reward for the care she has given. Even if her closest family members have failed her, others who are not as closely related step in to care for her and honor her, seeking to gain the blessings of their own kindness through small acts of support. For gifts given to a widow are richly repaid—she asks for food and returns treasures.

³ Yet, she seems to spend her days in sadness and often weeps. But she is even more blessed because, through a little weeping, she earns everlasting joy and, by enduring brief moments of sorrow, gains eternity. To such women, the words are rightly spoken: “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.” Who, then, would choose the fleeting falsehoods of present happiness over the joy of future peace? Do we consider the chosen ancestor of the Lord in the flesh—who ate ashes as if they were bread, mixed his drink with tears, and through his night weeping earned the joy of redemption in the morning—an insignificant example? Where did he find that great joy except through his great weeping, as if he bought future glory with the price of his tears?

⁴ The widow has this excellent quality: while mourning her husband, she also weeps for the world, and her redeeming tears are prepared—tears shed for the dead that will benefit the living. The tears of her eyes reflect the sorrow in her heart; they stir compassion, reduce toil, ease her grief, and protect her modesty. In her tears, which are the price of love and evidence of a devout remembrance, she no longer feels so wretched, finding comfort in them.

Chapter 7 #

¹ But courage is also often not lacking in a good widow. For true bravery is found in surpassing the usual nature and weakness of her sex through the strength of her mind, like that of Judith. She, on her own, was able to rise up from complete despair and protect her people from the enemy, even when the men were broken by the siege, paralyzed with fear, and weakened by hunger. As we read, when Holofernes, feared after his many victorious battles, had forced countless thousands of men behind the city walls, and when the armed men were terrified and already discussing surrender, Judith went beyond the walls. She was greater than the army she saved and braver than the one she drove away.

² To understand the qualities of mature widowhood, turn to the Scriptures. From the time her husband died, she put aside her garments of joy and took up those of mourning. Every day, she devoted herself to fasting, except on the Sabbath, the Lord’s Day, and other holy days—not out of a desire for physical refreshment, but out of reverence for her faith. For, as it is said, “Whether you eat or drink, do it all in the name of Jesus Christ,” so that even the nourishment of the body is done with respect to the worship of holy religion. Thus, the holy widow Judith, strengthened by her prolonged mourning and daily fasting, sought no worldly pleasures and feared no danger, becoming strong in her disdain for death. To carry out her plan, she put on the festive robe she had worn during her husband’s lifetime, as though to honor him by delivering her country. But she had another Man in mind to please—He of whom it is said, “After me comes a Man who is greater than I.” And it was fitting that she wore her bridal garments to battle, for the symbols of marriage became her weapons of chastity, and in no other way could a widow win favor or victory.

³ Why tell the rest of the story? How she, surrounded by thousands of enemies, remained pure. Why mention her wisdom in creating such a plan? She specifically chose the commander to protect herself from the disrespect of lower-ranking men and to create an opportunity for victory. She upheld the virtue of self-restraint and the grace of chastity. For as we read, untouched by either indulgence or adultery, she achieved a victory just as great in preserving her chastity as she did in saving her country.

⁴ What can I say about her self-control? Temperance is truly a virtue for women. When the men were drunk with wine and deep in sleep, the widow took a sword, reached out her hand, cut off the warrior’s head, and passed safely through the enemy ranks. You can see, then, how much harm drunkenness can do to a woman, considering that wine weakens men so much that they are overpowered by women. Let a widow be temperate, pure from wine above all, so that she may also be pure from adultery. Temptation will fail if wine doesn’t tempt you. If Judith had been drinking, she would have slept with the adulterer. But because she did not drink, her sobriety easily enabled her to both defeat and escape from a drunken army.

⁵ This was not so much a work of her hands, but more a triumph of her wisdom. Though she defeated Holofernes by her hand alone, she conquered the entire enemy army through her wisdom. By displaying the head of Holofernes—a plan the men’s wisdom had been unable to devise—she inspired courage in her fellow countrymen and crushed the spirit of the enemy. Her modesty encouraged her allies, while it terrified the enemy, causing them to flee and be slaughtered. Thus, the temperance and sobriety of one widow not only mastered her own nature, but, even more remarkably, made men braver.

⁶ And yet, despite her victory, she was not so carried away by success—though she had every reason to rejoice and celebrate—that she abandoned the practices of her widowhood. Refusing all who wished to marry her, she set aside her garments of joy and returned to those of her widowhood, uninterested in the adornments of her triumph. She believed that it was better to conquer the vices of the body than to defeat the weapons of an enemy.

Chapter 8 #

¹ And so that it does not appear as if only one widow accomplished this remarkable feat, it is clear that there were many others of equal or nearly equal virtue, for good seed typically produces many ears full of grain. Do not doubt, then, that the ancient times were rich with the virtues of many women. But since it would be too long to name them all, consider a few, especially Deborah, whose virtue is recorded for us in Scripture.

² She demonstrated that widows do not need the help of a man, as she, unhampered by the limitations of her gender, took on the responsibilities of a man and even exceeded what she set out to do. Eventually, when the Jews were under the rule of the judges, and the men could neither lead with justice nor defend with strength, resulting in wars breaking out on all sides, they chose Deborah to govern through her wisdom. One widow ruled over thousands of men in peace and defended them from their enemies. Though there had been many judges in Israel, no woman had ever been a judge before her, just as there had been many judges after Joshua, but none had been a prophet. I believe the story of her leadership and accomplishments is told to show that women should not be discouraged from acts of bravery due to the limitations of their sex. As a widow, she governed the people, led armies, appointed generals, decided on wars, and commanded victories. Therefore, it is not nature that is to blame for weakness; it is not gender, but courage that brings strength.

³ In times of peace, there was no complaint, and no fault was found in this woman, whereas many of the judges caused considerable sin among the people. But when the Canaanites, a fierce and well-equipped people, joined forces and showed intense hostility toward the Jews, this widow was the first to make preparations for war. To demonstrate that household needs were not dependent on public resources, but that public duties were guided by the discipline of home life, she brought forth her son from her home to lead the army. This shows that a widow can raise a warrior. As a mother, she taught him, and as a judge, she put him in command. Being courageous herself, she trained him, and as a prophetess, she sent him to certain victory.

⁴ Lastly, her son Barak acknowledged that the key to the victory rested in the hands of a woman when he said, “If you will not go with me, I will not go, for I do not know the day on which the Lord will send His angel with me.” How great, then, was the strength of that woman, to whom the leader of the army declared, “If you will not go, I will not go.” How great, I say, was the courage of the widow who did not hold her son back from danger out of motherly affection, but instead, with a mother’s zeal, encouraged him to pursue victory, while affirming that the decisive factor in that victory was in the hand of a woman!

⁵ So, Deborah foretold the outcome of the battle. Barak, as instructed, led the army, but it was Jael who claimed the victory, for Deborah’s prophecy worked in her favor. This victory, in a symbolic way, revealed the rise of the Church from among the Gentiles, who would triumph over Sisera, representing the powers opposed to her. For us, the words of the prophets fought, and for us, their judgments and efforts won the victory. Therefore, it was not the Jewish people, but Jael, who defeated the enemy. Unfortunate was that people, who, lacking the faith to pursue the fleeing enemy, allowed their victory to slip away. Through their failure, salvation came to the Gentiles, and because of their lack of action, the victory was reserved for us.

⁶ Jael then killed Sisera, whom the group of Jewish veterans had already driven away under their brilliant leader, Barak, for this is what his name means. Often, as we read, the words and merits of the prophets brought heavenly help to the ancestors. But even then, victory was being prepared over spiritual wickedness for those to whom it is said in the Gospel: “Come, you blessed of My Father, take possession of the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world”. So the beginning of the victory was with the ancestors, and its completion is in the Church.

⁷ But the Church does not defeat the powers of the enemy with worldly weapons, but with spiritual weapons that are powerful through God for tearing down strongholds and the high places of spiritual wickedness. Sisera’s thirst was quenched with a bowl of milk because he was overcome by wisdom, for what nourishes us is deadly and weakening to the enemy’s power. The weapons of the Church are faith, and the weapons of the Church are prayer, which conquers the enemy.

⁸ And so, according to this story, a woman—so that the minds of women might be inspired—became a judge, a woman brought order to everything, a woman prophesied, a woman triumphed, and by joining the battle formation, taught men to fight under a woman’s leadership. But in its deeper meaning, it is the battle of faith and the victory of the Church.

⁹ You, then, who are women, have no excuse because of your nature. You who are widows have no excuse due to the weakness of your sex, nor can you blame your instability on the loss of a husband’s support. Everyone has enough protection if the soul is not lacking in courage. Advancing age itself is a common safeguard of chastity for widows, and grief for a lost husband, regular work, managing the household, and concern for children often keep away temptations harmful to the soul. The mourning clothes, the solemnity of funerals, constant weeping, and grief etched in deep wrinkles on a sorrowful face also restrain wandering eyes, curb lust, and turn away inappropriate glances. The sorrow of mourning love is a strong protector of chastity, and guilt cannot enter if vigilance is not lacking.

Chapter 9 #

¹ You have learned, then, you who are widows, that you are not without the help of nature and that you are capable of maintaining sound judgment. Nor are you without protection at home, as you are able to aspire even to the highest levels of public authority.

² But perhaps someone might say that widowhood is more bearable for those who are prosperous, while widows who face adversity are quickly broken and easily give in. However, not only does experience teach us that comfort is more dangerous for widows than hardship, but the examples in Scripture show that even in weakness, widows are not usually without help. Divine and human support is often provided to them more readily than to others, especially if they have raised children well and chosen good sons-in-law. Finally, when Simon’s mother-in-law was lying sick with a severe fever, Peter and Andrew pleaded with the Lord on her behalf: “And He stood over her, commanded the fever, and it left her, and immediately she arose and served them.”

³ She was said to have been struck with a severe fever, and they pleaded with Him on her behalf. You too have people close to you who can intercede for you. You have the Apostles nearby, and the Martyrs as well. If you are connected to the Martyrs through devotion, you can also draw near to them through acts of mercy. Show mercy, and you will be close to Peter. It is not blood relationships but the connection through virtue that brings you near, for we do not live by the flesh but by the Spirit. Therefore, treasure your closeness to Peter and your connection to Andrew, so they may pray for you and help you overcome your desires. When touched by the word of God, you, who were lying on the ground, will immediately rise to serve Christ. For our true home is in heaven, and from there we await the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ. No one can serve Christ while lying down. Serve the poor, and in doing so, you serve Christ. As He says, “Whatever you have done for one of these, you have done for Me.” You, widows, will find support if you choose such sons-in-law for yourselves, such patrons and friends for your descendants.

⁴ Peter and Andrew prayed for the widow. How wonderful it would be if someone could pray for us as swiftly, or better yet, if Peter and Andrew, who prayed for their mother-in-law, could now pray for us as they once did for their own family member. But they can indeed pray for us and for all people now. You see, someone bound by great sin is less able to pray for themselves, and is certainly less likely to succeed in obtaining grace on their own. Therefore, let them rely on others to pray to the physician for them. For the sick, unless called to the physician by the prayers of others, cannot pray for themselves. The flesh is weak, and the soul is sick, weighed down by the chains of sin, unable to make its feeble way to the throne of the physician. We must call upon the angels, who have guarded us, and the martyrs, whose protection we seem to claim by the very presence of their bodily relics. They can intercede for our sins—those who, if they had any sins, washed them away with their own blood—because they are God’s martyrs, our leaders, and witnesses to our lives and actions. Let us not be ashamed to ask them to intercede for our weaknesses, for they themselves once knew the frailties of the body, even as they overcame them.

⁵ So then, Peter’s mother-in-law had others to pray for her. And you, O widow, find those who will pray for you. If, as a true widow, abandoned and alone, you place your hope in God, remain steadfast in your supplications, continue in prayer, and treat your body as if it is dying daily, so that through dying, you may live again. Avoid worldly pleasures, so that you, too, though sick, may be healed. For “she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives.”

⁶ You no longer have any reason to marry, for you have others to intercede for you. Do not say, “I am desolate.” That is the complaint of someone who desires to marry. Do not say, “I am alone.” Chastity seeks solitude; modesty prefers privacy, while the immodest seek company. But even if you have pressing concerns, you have someone to plead on your behalf. Are you afraid of your adversary? The Lord Himself will step in before the judge and say, “Judge for the fatherless, and defend the widow.”

⁷ But you wish to manage your inheritance. The inheritance of modesty is far greater, and a widow can protect it better than one who is married. A servant may have done wrong—so forgive him, for it is better to endure someone else’s fault than to expose it. But you still wish to marry? So be it. The mere desire is not a crime. I won’t ask for reasons—why create one? If you believe it is good, say so; if it seems improper, remain silent. Do not blame God or your relatives by claiming that you lack protection. If only it were the wish itself that failed! And do not say you are acting in the interests of your children, when in reality you are depriving them of their mother.

⁸ There are some things that might be permissible in theory, but not appropriate due to one’s age. Why is the mother’s wedding being planned at the same time as her daughters’, or even sometimes after? Why should a grown-up daughter feel the need to blush before her mother’s fiancé, rather than her own? I admit that I advised you to change your mourning clothes, but not to put on a bridal veil; to move away from the tomb, not to prepare for marriage. What sense is there in a newly-married woman who already has sons-in-law? How improper it is to have children younger than your own grandchildren!

Chapter 10 #

¹ But let us return to the point, and not, while we mourn the wounds of our sins, abandon the Physician, nor, while tending to the sores of others, allow our own to worsen. The Physician is being called upon here. Do not be afraid that, because the Lord is great, He may not come to someone who is sick, for He often comes to us from heaven and visits not only the rich but also the poor and the servants of the poor. So now He comes, when called upon, to Peter’s mother-in-law. He stood over her, rebuked the fever, and it left her. Immediately, she rose and began to serve them. As He is worthy to be remembered, He is also worthy to be desired, and worthy of love for His care in every matter concerning humanity and His marvelous deeds. He does not disdain visiting widows or entering the humble rooms of a poor home. As God, He commands; as man, He visits.

² Thanks be to the Gospel, through which we, who did not see Christ when He came into this world, seem to be with Him when we read about His deeds. Just as those to whom He drew near gained faith from Him, so may He draw near to us when we believe in His works.

³ Do you see what kinds of healing He possesses? He commands the fever, He commands the unclean spirits, and in other instances, He heals by laying His hands on the afflicted. He used to heal the sick not only with His word but also by His touch. And so, if you are consumed by many desires, drawn either by someone’s beauty or fortune, call upon Christ. Seek out the Physician, stretch out your hand to Him, let the hand of God touch your deepest being, and let the grace of His heavenly Word flow into the very veins of your desires. Let God’s right hand strike the hidden parts of your heart. He spreads clay on the eyes of some so they may see, and the Creator of all reminds us that we must remain aware of our own frailty and recognize the lowliness of our bodies. For no one can behold divine things except those who, through understanding their own weakness, cannot be filled with pride. Another person is instructed to show himself to the priest, so that he may be forever cleansed from the scales of leprosy. For only those who know how to present themselves to that Priest, whom we have received as an Advocate for our sins and of whom it is said, “You are a priest forever, after the order of Melchizedek,” can preserve the purity of both body and soul.

⁴ Do not be afraid that there will be any delay in healing. Those who are healed by Christ face no obstacles. You must use the remedy He has given you, for as soon as He commands it, the blind see, the paralyzed walk, the mute speak, the deaf hear, the fevered serve, and the possessed are freed. And so, you who, after an improper longing, are weakened by desire for anything, pray to the Lord, show Him your faith, and fear no delay. Where there is prayer, the Word is present; desire is banished, and lust departs. Do not fear confessing your sins, but see it as a right, for you who once suffered from a severe physical ailment will now begin to serve Christ.

⁵ Here we can see the attitude of Peter’s mother-in-law, from which she received, in a way, the initial seed of what was to come, as each person’s will is the cause of what lies ahead. For from the will comes wisdom, which the wise man embraces as if marrying it, saying, “I wish to make her my spouse.” This will, which was initially weak and sluggish under the fever of various desires, later became strong and rose up through the work of the apostles to serve Christ.

⁶ At the same time, it is shown what kind of person one must be to serve Christ. First, they must be free from the temptations of various pleasures and free from inner weakness of both body and soul in order to minister the Body and Blood of Christ. For no one who is spiritually sick with their own sins, and far from being whole, can administer the remedies of eternal healing. Consider carefully what you do, O priest, and do not touch the Body of Christ with a hand weakened by sin. First, be healed so that you may be able to minister. If Christ commands those who are now cleansed but were once leprous to show themselves to the priests, how much more fitting is it for the priest himself to be pure. Therefore, the widow cannot take offense that I have not spared her, for I do not even spare myself.

⁷ It is written that Peter’s mother-in-law rose up and served them. It is fitting that it says “rose up,” for the grace of apostleship was already providing a symbol of the sacrament. It is the duty of Christ’s ministers to rise, as it is written: “Awake, you who sleep, and rise from the dead.”

Chapter 11 #

¹ I say, then, that widows who have been accustomed to giving are neither lacking in their necessary needs nor in assistance, and who, in very great dangers, have often preserved their husbands’ resources. Furthermore, I believe that the support of a husband is usually replaced by sons-in-law and other relatives, and that God’s mercy is even more ready to help them. Therefore, when there is no pressing reason to remarry, the desire to do so should not exist.

² I offer this as counsel, not as a command, encouraging the wills of widows rather than binding them. I do not forbid second marriages; I simply do not recommend them. There is a difference between considering human weakness and embracing the grace of chastity. Further, I do not forbid second marriages, but I do not approve of marriages repeatedly taken. For not everything that is lawful is beneficial. As the Apostle says, “All things are lawful to me, but not all things are expedient.” Just as drinking wine is lawful, but often, it is not advisable.

³ It is lawful to marry, but it is more appropriate to abstain, as there are obligations in marriage. Do you ask what obligations? A woman who has a husband is bound by the law as long as her husband is alive, but if her husband dies, she is freed from that law. This proves that marriage is a bond by which the woman is bound and from which she is released. Mutual love is beautiful, but the bond is more enduring. The wife does not have control over her own body, but the husband does. And to ensure that this bond doesn’t seem to be about gender rather than marriage, it continues: likewise, the husband does not have control over his own body, but the wife does. So, how great is the constraint in marriage, which makes even the stronger partner subject to the other; for through mutual obligation, both are bound to serve. And even if one wishes to refrain, they cannot easily escape this bond, for they are subject to the desires of the other. It is said: “You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men.”. You see how clearly the servitude of marriage is defined. It is not I who say this, but the Apostle; or rather, it is not him, but Christ speaking through him. And he spoke of this servitude in the case of good marriages. For earlier you read: “The unbelieving husband is sanctified by his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife by her believing husband.” And further: “But if the unbeliever leaves, let them leave. A brother or sister is not bound in such cases.” If a good marriage is servitude, what can be said of a bad one, when instead of sanctifying, they destroy each other?

⁴ Just as I encourage widows to maintain the grace of their gift, I also urge women to follow the discipline of the Church, for the Church includes everyone. Though it is the flock of Christ, some are ready for strong food while others are still nourished with milk. These must be cautious of wolves in sheep’s clothing, who outwardly appear to practice self-restraint but secretly encourage sinful behavior. These wolves know how difficult the demands of chastity are, since they cannot even manage them in the slightest. They demand from others what is excessive, when they themselves cannot meet even the basic requirements, collapsing under the heavy burden. The weight of responsibility must always match the strength of the person bearing it; otherwise, when the bearer is too weak, they will crumble under the burden placed upon them, just as strong food can choke infants.

⁵ Just as in a group of bearers, their strength is not judged by the weakest among them, nor do the stronger take on tasks based on the limitations of others, but each person is allowed to carry as much as they are willing, with the reward growing according to their strength, so too should women not be trapped or forced to bear a burden of self-restraint beyond their capacity. Each person should be allowed to consider this matter for herself, not forced by the authority of a command, but encouraged by the increase of grace. Thus, different levels of virtue come with different rewards, and one thing is not criticized in order to praise another. Instead, everything is presented so that what is best may be chosen.

Chapter 12 #

¹ Marriage, then, is honorable, but chastity is even more honorable. For he who gives his virgin daughter in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better. Therefore, what is good does not need to be avoided, but what is better should be chosen. It is not imposed on anyone, but rather presented as a choice. That’s why the Apostle rightly said: “Concerning virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord, yet I give my counsel.” A command is directed toward those who are under authority, while counsel is given to friends. Where there is a commandment, there is law; where there is counsel, there is grace. A command enforces what is natural, while counsel encourages us to follow grace. That’s why the Law was given to the Jews, but grace was reserved for the elect. The Law was given so that, through the fear of punishment, it could bring back those who strayed beyond the bounds of nature, while grace was given to inspire the elect through the desire for good and the rewards that were promised.

² You can see the difference between command and counsel if you recall the case of the man in the Gospel, who was first commanded not to murder, not to commit adultery, and not to bear false witness. These are commandments, each with a penalty for breaking them. But when the man said he had kept all the commandments of the Law, he was given a counsel: to sell all that he had and follow the Lord. These things were not imposed as commands but offered as counsel. There are two ways of instructing: one by command, the other by counsel. So, the Lord says in one instance, “You shall not kill,” which is a commandment. In another, He says, “If you want to be perfect, sell all that you have.” In this case, the person is not bound by a command, but the choice is left to them.

³ Those who have followed the commandments can say, “We are unworthy servants; we have only done what we were supposed to do.” However, the virgin, nor the one who sold all his possessions, does not say this. Instead, they look forward to the rewards stored up for them, like the holy Apostle who says, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what will we have in return?” He does not speak as the unworthy servant, saying he has only done his duty. Instead, he sees himself as useful to his Master, having multiplied the talents entrusted to him and gaining an increase. With a clear conscience and no worry about his worthiness, he expects the reward for his faith and virtue. Thus, it is said to him and the others, “You who have followed Me, in the new world, when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the tribes of Israel.” And to those who have faithfully preserved their talents, He promises rewards, though lesser, saying, “Because you have been faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things.” Therefore, good faith is expected, but mercy is shown in the rewards. The one who has kept faith deserves to have that faith rewarded; the one who has profited without seeking selfish gain has earned the right to a heavenly reward.

Chapter 13 #

¹ So then, this is not a commandment but a piece of advice. Chastity is commanded, while complete celibacy is advised. However, “not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it has been given. There are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb”, where a natural condition exists, not the virtue of chastity. Then “there are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs” by their own choice, not out of necessity. “And there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs of men…”. Therefore, the grace of celibacy is great in them because it is their will, not incapacity, that makes them abstinent. It is fitting to preserve the gift of divine work in its entirety. And they should not think it is too little an achievement to not be hindered by bodily inclinations, for if the reward for enduring such a struggle is beyond their reach, so too is the opportunity for sin. Even though they may not receive the crown, they also cannot be defeated by temptation. They have other virtues through which they should commend themselves, such as firm faith, abundant mercy, a lack of greed, and plenty of grace. There is no fault in them, for they are unaware of sinful acts.

² The situation is different for those who mutilate themselves, and I bring this up carefully, as some consider such extreme acts to be holy in order to control their desires through harmful violence. While I don’t want to express my personal opinion about them—though the decisions of our forefathers on this matter do exist—consider whether this act reflects weakness rather than strength. By this logic, no one should fight for fear of being defeated, nor should one walk for fear of stumbling, or use their eyes for fear of falling into lust. But what good is it to harm the body when there can still be guilt in just a glance? For “whoever looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart”. Similarly, if a woman looks at a man with lust, she commits adultery as well. Therefore, we should strive to be chaste, not weak, to have modest, not feeble, eyes.

³ No one should, as many believe, mutilate themselves, but rather strive for victory, for the Church welcomes those who conquer, not those who are defeated. Why should I offer arguments when the Apostle’s command speaks clearly? It is written, “I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves”. Why should someone lose the opportunity to earn a crown and practice virtue, especially one who is born for honor and equipped for victory? How can a person with true courage of soul choose to mutilate themselves? There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

⁴ This, however, is not a commandment for everyone, but rather a desire presented to all. For the one who commands must always adhere strictly to the scope of the commandments, and the one who assigns tasks must do so fairly, as “a false balance is an abomination to the Lord.” There can be both excess and deficiency in the balance, but the Church accepts neither, for “excessive and defective weights and various measures are both alike abominable in the sight of the Lord.” Wisdom assigns tasks according to each person’s virtue and strength. “He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

⁵ The Creator of everything understands that each person is different, and so encourages virtue with rewards, rather than controlling weakness with chains. He, the teacher of the Gentiles, the good guide for how we live, and the instructor of our deepest emotions, knew firsthand that the law of the flesh resists the law of the mind but gives way to the grace of Christ. He understands, I say, that the various impulses of the mind often conflict with each other. Therefore, when he speaks of chastity, he does so in a way that doesn’t diminish the grace of marriage, nor does he praise marriage in a way that suppresses the desire for chastity. Starting with a recommendation for chastity, he then offers solutions for avoiding unchastity, encouraging the strong to pursue their high calling while ensuring no one becomes discouraged. He approves those who lead without disregarding those who follow. For he had learned that the Lord Jesus gave some people barley bread so they wouldn’t grow weak along the way, while offering His Body to others to inspire them to strive for the kingdom.

⁶ For the Lord Himself did not impose this commandment but invited the will, and the Apostle did not give a strict rule but offered guidance. Yet, this is not just a human counsel about things within human ability, for he acknowledges that he received the gift of divine mercy so that he could rightly prioritize the former and arrange the latter. Therefore, he says, “I think,” not “I command,” but “I think that this is good because of the present distress.”

⁷ The marriage bond should not be avoided as if it were sinful, but rather declined because it can be a heavy burden. For the law requires the wife to bear children in labor and sorrow and to be subject to her husband, as he is lord over her. So, the married woman, but not the widow, is subject to the pain and toil of childbirth, and only the married woman, not the virgin, is under her husband’s authority. The virgin is free from all these obligations, having devoted her heart to the Word of God and awaiting the blessed Bridegroom with her lamp burning brightly with good will. Thus, she is guided by counsel, not bound by chains.

Chapter 14 #

¹ But the widow, too, has not received a command, only guidance—a counsel that has been given not just once but repeatedly. First, it is said: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Then again: “I wish that all men were as I am.” And once more: “It is good for them if they remain as I am.” And for a fourth time: “It is good because of the present distress.” Furthermore, it is well-pleasing to the Lord, honorable, and, finally, that perseverance in widowhood is a happier state. He presents this not only as his personal opinion but as the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Who, then, could reject the counsel of such a kind guide? He gives freedom to the will and offers advice to others based on what he has found beneficial from his own experience—one who cannot be easily surpassed and is not offended by being equaled. Who, then, would hesitate to become holy in both body and spirit, when the reward far exceeds the effort, the grace is more than enough, and the reward is greater than the work?

² And I say this, not to trap anyone, but so that, as a good steward of the land entrusted to me, I may see the Church, this field, bear fruit—sometimes blossoming with the flowers of purity, other times strengthened by the dignity of widowhood, and yet again filled with the fruits of marriage. Though these fruits are diverse, they come from the same field. There are not as many lilies in the garden as there are ears of grain in the fields, and far more fields are prepared for sowing than those that lie fallow after the harvest.

³ Widowhood is good, as it is often praised by the apostles’ judgment, for it serves as a guide for both faith and chastity. On the other hand, those who honor the adulteries and disgrace of their gods imposed penalties on celibacy and widowhood. They did this, not truly to promote population growth, but to undermine chastity, disguising their true motives with claims of seeking to increase the population. Just as a soldier, after completing his service, sets aside his weapons and leaves his position, returning home as a veteran to rest after the hardships of a laborious life, encouraging others to endure their struggles with the hope of future rest, the same applies to the laborer. As he grows too old for work, he passes the plow to others, and, having exhausted himself through the toils of his youth, enjoys in old age the fruits of his foresight. He remains willing to prune the vine rather than press the grapes, curbing the exuberance of youth and using his pruning knife to cut away its excesses, teaching by example that true fruitfulness should be pursued, even in the vine.

⁴ In the same way, the widow, like a veteran who has completed her service, may set aside the responsibilities of married life, but she still maintains order and peace in the household. Though she no longer carries the burdens of marriage, she remains vigilant over the younger women who are preparing to marry. With the wisdom of her age, she thoughtfully considers where more effort would be beneficial, where productivity would be greater, and who is best suited for marriage. So, if a field is entrusted to the elder rather than the younger, why should it be seen as better to be a married woman than a widow? And if the persecutors of the faith have also persecuted widowhood, then surely, to those who uphold the faith, widowhood should not be avoided as a punishment but embraced as a reward.

Chapter 15 #

¹ Perhaps some may think it good to enter into marriage again for the sake of having children. However, if the desire for children is the reason for marrying, then surely, where children already exist, that reason no longer applies. Is it truly wise to seek a second attempt at fruitfulness that has already proven unsuccessful, or to endure the solitude you have already experienced? This is the situation for those who have no children.

² And for the woman who has borne children but lost them (for the one who still hopes to bear children feels an even stronger longing), does she not, by entering a second marriage, seem to be covering over the deaths of her lost children? Will she not endure again the very sorrow she is seeking? Does she not tremble at the graves of her hopes, the memories of her losses, and the sounds of mourning? When the wedding torches are lit and night falls, does she not feel as though funeral rites are being prepared rather than a bridal chamber? So, why, my daughter, do you seek the sorrows you fear, rather than the children you no longer expect? If grief is so painful, it is better to avoid what causes it than to pursue it.

³ What advice can I give you, who already have children? What reason do you have to marry again? Perhaps it is foolishness, a lack of self-control, or the pain of a wounded spirit driving you. But advice is for those who are sober-minded, not for the reckless, so my words are directed to a clear conscience, sound in every way. The one who is wounded can find healing, and the one who is upright can receive counsel. So, what do you intend to do, my daughter? Why are you seeking heirs from elsewhere when you already have your own? It’s not children you desire, for you already have them, but rather servitude, from which you are currently free. This is the real servitude, where love is no longer vibrant—where neither the charm of virginity nor the fresh modesty and grace of early youth stir affection. Instead, offenses are felt more keenly, suspicion of rudeness grows, and harmony is less frequent. This type of bond is not deeply rooted in long-standing love or the beauty of youthful prime. Duty to a husband becomes burdensome, leaving you hesitant to love your children and embarrassed to look at them. Disagreements arise from what would normally strengthen love and the tender affection parents feel for their children. You wish to bring forth more offspring, not as brothers to your existing children, but as rivals. For what is bringing forth other children, if not depriving the ones you already have—depriving them not only of affection but also of the inheritance that is rightfully theirs?

⁴ God’s law has united husband and wife through its authority, but mutual love can still be challenging. God took a rib from the man and created the woman to join them together, declaring, “They shall be one flesh.” This statement was made about the first marriage, not a second, as Eve never had another husband, and the holy Church does not acknowledge a second bridegroom. This is a great mystery in Christ and the Church. Similarly, Isaac had no wife other than Rebecca, and Abraham was only buried alongside Sarah, not with any other wife.

⁵ In the case of holy Rachel, there was more of a symbolic mystery than the true order of marriage. Yet, even in her, we find something that points to the grace of the first marriage, because Jacob loved most the one he first betrothed. Deception did not override his intent, nor did the subsequent marriage diminish his love for his betrothed. Thus, the holy patriarch showed us how greatly we should value a first marriage, as he held his first betrothal in such high regard. Therefore, my daughter, take care that you do not lose the grace of marriage and, at the same time, add to your own difficulties.